Fly on the wall

Pathetic, but true...
I get excited to read the school new paper.

There is a new column this year
called fly on the wall.
Its dedicated to one of my favorite
pass times.... eavesdropping.

The writer just listens all week for ridiculous things
people say and writes about them.
Its slowly rising on my
'favorite part of the paper list'...
right next to the comics and sudoku.

Here is the article from last week.
I got a kick out of it.

LOVE THAT BITES

This week’s article is dedicated to relationships, or the lack thereof. I have heard a lot of disappointing stories of people with not enough dates, or in one guy’s case, far too many. I wish I could claim not knowing what to do because I have so many dates. Enjoy.

1. I heard this from a guy walking into the business building. “All these girls like me and it’s so hard, because I’m too nice to say no.”

Hmmm … Too nice to say no or too desperate?

2. “I don’t know why he still won’t go out with me. It’s not like I’m still a slut. I got a job at the mall. That totally makes me a nice person.”

3. Two freshman girls:

“Oh my God, I’m so mad.”
“Oh no, why?”
“Because I still haven’t been asked out on a date. Isn’t college about dating hot guys and lots of them? Ughhh.” She sits back in her chair with frustration, folds her arms and says, “My mom so lied to me. She told me guys would, like, line up around the block waiting to date me. I’m so done with college.”

Right, this could be a legit concern, but school has only been in session for two weeks. Calm down honey.

4. Young girl talking on the phone:

“I don’t know, maybe if I like starve myself for like a week he’ll start to notice me. I could stand to lose a couple pounds anyway.”

Please keep in mind this girl is not taller than 5-foot-1-inch and can’t weigh more than 100 pounds.

5. “I won’t get married till after my birthday, so I don’t contribute to the teen bride statistic.”

6. And lastly, to kill the curiosity of a table full of girls at High Stakes Bingo I have answers for you.

a. “Yes, Brady is taken – engaged for that matter. And no, not even in your dreams will he sing you a love song.”
b. “Tai, taken as well. His girlfriend is cute, it’s perfect so don’t mess. As for the little plan your girls conjured up … don’t even try. I promise you it won’t work.” Sorry ladies.
c. “As for Bill, I cannot answer. I’ll see what I can find out.”

Never forget, in the words of Thornton Wilder, “There is nothing like eavesdropping to show you that the world outside your head is different from the world inside your head.”

And with that, please remember there is someone listening.