8 things i never said...

So i stole this idea from a note on facebook written by my friend Heather. I thought it was an interesting idea, and so i am writing one of my own. To anyone that knows me, knows that it takes some prying to get my true feelings out, So this is a little different for me to just put them out there for all to see. Enjoy.

Directions: write a series of statements, intended to different people- things you've always wanted to tell them. Never tell which one is whom.

Statement #1.
Thanks for always being there. Since I met you, you've always been one of the greatest examples to me. You always were the strongest one out of all of us, and you always knew exactly who you were, and never pretended to be anything else. I miss you so much, but i know you are doing great things right now. I thought for a while our friendship was over, but out of all my friendships. Yours has been the longest and strongest. Thank you for everything.

Statement #2.
Your the only guy I have said i love you to. I wasnt sure i meant it then, but looking back, i think I did. I was so unsure of who i was, that there was no way i could be what you needed. Althought you never seemed to think so, I gave it all i had to give at that time, but in the end it came down to fear. Fear that it might be real, that it might go somewhere beyond "the curse". So i let you go. Although, two years later, i still miss you and wonder what might have been if i had just had the courage to let it progress, I know myself now better than i ever would, had i stayed with you. It took being with you, to realize how much i needed to find myself. and for that i have no regrets for what happened between us. You always seemed to be the type that would never be happy until he found a girl that could love you as much as you loved them, and now you have found it. You seem happy when i see you. And i am happy for you.

Statement #3.
I know we were never Super close, but I still consider you a really good friend. It makes me really sad when i see where you are at in life. I dont know how we all ended up in such different places. I wish i would have tried harded to be a better example. I wish we would have been closer. I wish we still stayed in contact, but just know that i will always be here if you need anything.

Statement #4.
I dont know what it is about you that made such an impact on me. I dont know why i still think about you every day. I dont know what even happened between us. But i do know that there were alot of things that i didnt say because i thought you didnt want to hear them, and i regret it. Ive never fallen for someone so hard or so fast. You made me realize how the guys i usually date feel because for the first time i put in my all and was willing to try and make it work, and you were too scared, its usually the other way around. I secretly hope that someday something will work out, but i feel like for the most part, you just dont care about me anymore.

Statement #5.
You are so much stronger than you think you are. You really are SO amazing, and SO caring. You never give yourself enough credit for anything, and probably never will. But it kills me to watch someone as amazing as you be that hard on yourself. I look up to you so much, You have gone through things that most people never will, and you do it with a smile on your face. You have a passion for the things you love and its so admirable. I can always be myself around you, and i love that. Thanks for your example and your friendship, you have become one of my very best friends.

Statement #6.
You helped me through a time of my life when i felt so alone. I felt like no one cared about me, but you were always there to listen to my complaints. You were the reason i stayed at Utah State, the reason I joined the A-team, The reason I came out of my shyness shell. Thank you. So much, thank you. I have never known anyone so selfless as you. I knew if i ever needed anything, day or night, you would be there with a smile on your face and a laugh to go along with it. You taught me to think of others first. That everything is funny if you look at it the right way. I'm sorry im terrible at staying in contact, but you will always be one of my dearest friends.

Statement #7.
Why cant you just forgive him? You are tearing your family apart. You are breaking your siblings hearts, so many tears of been shed because of this grudge you are holding. It was Grandma's dying wish that the family still got together and stayed close, and you make it miserable to get together with everyone. You are making people choose sides within a family, and that is not fair. For everything you know about the gospel and christ and the commandments... You sure have held this grudge for a long time. It didnt even happen to you. It happened to your daughter, and she's not bitter. GET OVER IT.

Statement #8.
You were there for me when i was finally turning my life around, becoming a happier person, beginning to love the gospel because i wanted to, not because my parents did. You know who you are and never pretend to be anything else. I didnt treat you the way i should have. I have never told you what a big impact you made that first summer we lived together, and even though i don't see you that often anymore, it always makes me so happy when i do! I hope to stay in contact with you for the rest of my life.