Meant to be...

10 minutes or so ago I came into work, sat down at my computer and started my usual ritual.

Check the email. Check the blog. Check the facebook.

Somewhere in between the email and the blog i started to really crave a bagel. For some reason nothing sounds better than that right now. (its 1140 and all i have eaten today is a granola bar).

After seeing that there were no updated blogs for me to read, I moved onto checking my facebook and low and behold this add was on the side of my screen:

SO, i became a fan... and now as soon as I am done with the project i am currently working on, I will go use this coupon... and go get a delicious bagel.


I think i was meant to get a bagel today!

A Blog about dreams

So, I have decided to start yet another blog... This one will be like my dream journal.

I have really weird dreams and have decided that its time to write them down, but i can type faster than i can write... so i am just going to blog about them.

If you would like to read all about my crazy dreams... the address is:

http://sarahjanesdreams.blogspot.com/

Turning over a new leaf

Well as i have said before, anyone that knows me well, knows that I don't talk about my feelings very openly, but it is one of my many new years resolution to open up and state my opinion more. To tell people how i am feeling and why. To be bold and care a little less if i am judged for what i say. I hate the fact that i don't seem to ever make a lasting impression on people, I hate the fact that I always feel so forgotten, but my brother put it best when he said "you cant expect people to remember you, if you don't give them a reason to remember you. Say anything, the more ridiculous the statement the more they will remember you." So with that piece of advice stuck in my mind, I am going to talk about my thoughts and feelings more. I'm going to say what is on my mind and bare my soul for the world to see. It will take a while for me to get to that point, so I'm starting here, on my blog. Baby steps.... and here.... we..... GO. (forgive me if its not well written, English has never been a strong area for me)

So today I was digging through my backpack, trying to find my external hard drive and i saw a little piece of paper sitting at the bottom. It was an old fortune from a cookie. One that i obviously liked enough that i decided to keep it. (because i only keep the good ones) It said:

"The harder the fall, the higher the bounce"

I don't remember what restaurant i get these particular fortunes from, but there is one brand that always seem to have such profound words of wisdom on them. As weird as it is, that fortune written on that little piece of paper sums up my feelings on life as of lately.

Before Christmas break I was having a rough time, There were so many things that played into my "funk" as i called it. (my definition of funk: a negative, rather gloomy and almost depressed state of being). I'm at a point in my life where i feel very lost, I am about to graduate in a major that I love, but sometimes feel so inadequate to be in. People ask me on a daily basis what i want to do after im done with school, and honestly i have no idea. I'm worried i wont get a job and i will have to move back home and all that time and money will have been wasted. I felt like in the four years i have been at Utah state I have met a whole hand full of great people, but never been a good enough friend to keep up with them and stay their friends. On top of the stress of all that, I was having a hard time getting over a boy. I went on more dates this last semester than i have in the last couple years, and they were all really great guys, but part of me was still holding on to this boy that things didn't work out with. I always have and probably always will be having this constant fight with myself about not being pretty enough, outgoing enough, funny enough, nice enough, and always comparing myself with other girls. I'm constantly trying to keep my self esteem high and be happy with who i am, but every time i look around i see a gazillion other girls that seems to be so much better than me and have it all going for them. and it just drags me back down. I felt like spiritually i had come to a stand still. I was still going through the motions of reading praying and going to church, but not with a desire to progress, but because i know that is what i should be doing. All in all i was just in this state of being that felt a little like i was on the road to depression. Been there, done that, never want to be there again.

I got home for Christmas break and the first week and a half was rough. i didn't do anything but wallow in my own self pity. After a mild brake down while talking to my awesome brother Sam at 330 in the morning, i decided i control all of this. I control my happiness. If i want things to be better i need to stop sitting around on my butt waiting for them to get better. I had to make the change. So i started by making goals to get myself back where i wanted to be. (on the upward swing rather than the downward spiral.) I started working out and hanging out with my high school friends. I started talking to old friends just to see how they were instead of waiting for them to talk to me. I changed my attitude to be positive rather than negative and the saying is true, the harder you fall, the higher the bounce is. I'm back in Logan now and although everything is pretty much the same, I am still lost.. I'm still fighting a battle of self confidence... I'm still not dating anyone and probably wont date anyone before i graduate (I know i know...anything could happen). I am finally out of my 'funk'. I'm happy again and want to do things, and meet new people. I'm content just knowing that things will work out the way they are suppose to work out, and whatever blessings or trials god has in store for me... I will take them as they come and they will better me as a person.

dreaming of toast

So, my roommate every morning asks me... did you have another one of your crazy dreams last night? and more often than not i can say yes. She always gets so excited to hear then, and for a good reason, something crazy happens in my head at night and i come up with these weird things, that somehow seem normal to the 'dream Sarah'.... I have decided to share those with the world as well, Cause last night.....

I had a crazy dream!

Ok, so it started off at my house in kaysville, and i was really craving a piece of toast but we didnt have any bread. So i went to the U's campus.. cause of course that is where you find bread for toast. I got up there and realized that I wasnt a student and that i didnt have an ID card to get into the cafeteria, so i went in anyways and the guard wasnt at the front desk (because again... of course cafeterias have guards) so i snuck in and got my toast and i sat down and went to butter it and they were out of butter, so went up the stairs and couldnt find any butter but the guard had seen me so i went back down stairs and was digging frantically through a bowl of single serving sized things of jelly, and creamers, and everything but butter, until the guard finally caught up with me and was like "come with me" so i did and he walked me back to the table that i left my toast and it had fallen off the table and the plate had cracked and made a bigger mess than toast ever would make. He got really mad at me and kicked me out of the cafeteria without my toast. So i was walking back to my car and I ran into my friend courtney and she was waving at me, but i didnt think she was waving at me so i turned around and her sister elise was behind me. and then her other sister brooke showed up and we were all talking and they had all transfered down to the U for school because it was a better campus, and that is when we saw the new 'building' that made campus what it was... and it ended up being a car wash where if you went through it you got a crazy robe to keep. and we thought it was so cool, so we were going to take my car through it, but when we got to my car there was one of the robes sitting on my front seat with a note that said something weird like "I knew that you would like one of these, it took me a long time to figure out where you would be today, but i ahve been working on it for a month since we became facebook friends" WEIRD.... and that is when i woke up....

Just Incase you were wondering what i dreamed about at night... Its things like Toast and Car washes.... so now you know!

Im Baaaack.....

Monday night, i drove back to Logan. I left Kaysville at 11:00 and the freeway and canyon seemed more empty than usual. It was a weird feeling. I spent the whole month at home and it got the point where it felt like that was life for me. That the last 3.5 years of my life was all a dream and I woke up and was still living at home, hanging with my high school friends, and the drive to logan was just a trip I was making. That I wasn't driving back to the life that I actually have... in Logan. I've always loved coming back to Logan... but this time I was impartial. I wasn't super excited or dreading it. But then when i got here, i remembered all the great things that love about this place... and so, I am back.....

... back to my huge closet full of tons of clothes, and a roommates closet to share (+) (I only took home like 6 or 7 shirts and i just wore those ones over and over... i know what boys feel like now. It gets to a point where you just stop caring what you put on because you wore or like 4 or 5 days before that and so you just throw something on)

... back to my tall bed and my lamp. (I dont have one of those in Kaysville, i just push a button on my phone, turn of the bedroom light and run to the bed trying to get there before the little light from my phone goes off and hoping i don't step on anything that could possibly break. )

... back to my tub that has jets in it, and only enough hot water for one person to shower.

... back to waking up to the sound of someone else showering and knowing that i am not going to get one that day if i want to be on time for school.

... back to an icey drive way and shuffling our cars around at night so that we are all in the garage/driveway so no one gets a ticket for being parked on the street.

... back to a gym packed with people my own age and not senior citizens. (give it a month or so and it will not be so packed, everyone just made the resolution to get in shape)

... back to finding parking on campus. what a hastle.

... back to the cold weather, for some reason i forgot about it...and just wore a sweater to class yeasterday. what was i thinking.

... back to funny times in the office with the designers and allie.

these are the people I work with. Allie, MacKay, me and Kara

... back to taco tuesdays. $1.50 for a cafe rio taco?! thats unheard of.

... back to my amazing roommates, who i missed ridiculous amounts over the break.

... back to worrying about my future and what i am going to do with myself in 4 months.

... back to life as i've known it for the last three and a half years of my life.

Pass times

So, Ive been home for almost a month now. With nothing to do really besides hang out at home, sit on the couch, watch movies, and play games. I've never been much of a 'gamer' if you will. But with all the free time i have had the last couple weeks ive gotten addicted to a couple online games.. so now I sit on the couch, watch movies, while playing games. The best ones ive come across include:

Farkle: Ive played enough to get the 10,000 chips you need to join the pro-club and now i can play against other farklers for chips. good times.

Text Twist: A fun game that makes you think about words... i never really get past the first two rounds cause the 6 letter words are hard, but its fun none the less. My latest Game:
CRAPS. I'd have to say its more fun playing with people in a casino, but the online version is great because im not losing any money while playing it. if i get down to zero... i just start again with 1000.


I am going to go ahead and place the blame on online games for keeping me up until 1:30 at night... ive stayed up late so many nights, its now hard to go to bed any earlier. We'll see how i do when i go back to school next week.

Bottom line: As much as i love these games, i cant wait to go back to school and do something productive with my time.

Goodnight Everybody!

Fishing!

My Dad's favorite pass time is fishing. He works in Alaska over the summer and fishes all day. If you get him talking about it, he will talk your ear off for hours. For as long as i can remember, i have been going fishing with my dad. Last year for my birthday i didnt know what to ask for so he bought me a fishing pole, a tackle box, and some hooks. We dont go very often but every once and a while we go ice fishing. Usually i hate the cold, and it would seem like sitting on the ice fishing would be terrible, but its kind of fun!

Here are some pictures from a few years ago...

We hit a deer on the way up the canyon.

We went again today, up to a place called red creek reservoir. There were only a couple other people on the ice. We spent 4 hours fishing, i caught 8 fish and he caught 2... (he would have caught 3 more, but his line kept snapping off)

Dad drilling the holes.

His first catch.

My fish :)

My first catch... yup, i'm holdin' a fish. Gross.

2009 in 50 pictures or less...

January:
new years was spent in Las Vegas with my two cousins
the strip was completely shut down and there were people packed in every direction

My friend colby made us indian food and showed us how to make a turbin out of t-shirts and we ate dinner sitting on the floor in his living room

February:
My birthday this year was the best one i have had when my roommates threw me a suprise party.

March:
For spring break i went with the art department to New york for a week.

April:
I went on a cruise with my family to the Caribbean for my sisters senior trip.

At the end of the month i went to LA with my friend melody, where she served her mission. we took our bikes with us and rode them through beverly hills. It was my favorite part of the week.

June:
the summers in logan are always great. We went to a couple Demolition derbys,

took a trip to st george with Liz, Kiley, and my cousin janae. On the way back there was a kid hanging out of the back of a truck getting a drink from a cooler. When we passed them kiley stuck her head out the window and asked him to pass her one. So the dad driving handed me a Diet coke out the window.

We did some pretty crazy stuff as roommates.. ashlee threw her phone away and had to go dumpster diving for it.

we built a fort out of mattresses in the old farm parking lot.

Sledded down the hill on cookie sheets

dressed up crazy and went to wendover on the fun bus.

played 'fizzball'... a game where you play baseball with cans of soda pop. when you hit the can it explodes.

the last week in june was spent at EFY in salt lake.

July:
I spent two weeks of July Working the EFY sessions in Logan

August:
We went to a place called bloomington lake up by bear lake. its a small lake with a rope swing. You cant stay in the water for long because there was still snow up there and the lake is run off.

my best friend kiley left on a mission.

September:
the start of the school year came, we moved into our duplex and had a BBQ to kick off the new year.

I also got my first flat tire ever... My sister and I changed it all by ourselves.

October:
for halloween we dressed up and went out to eat at texas road house. I was a pinata.

I went to the pumpkin walk 3 different times. Once on a date, once for FHE and once with my roommates.

We also carved pumkins as roommates.

November:
the end of november we went to look at the lights at temple square.

Saw transibyrian orchestra with my family.

My roommate Katie got married to Cameron Hunter.

December:
the beginning of December brought the BYU vs USU basketball game. BEST GAME EVER!

Tera, Tasha and I went to the festival of trees.

I spent the rest of December at home with my family in kaysville. Its been a great year! and 2010 is going to be just as exciting!